Those whom I love I rebuke and discipline. So be earnest and repent. Rev 3:19
Lesson number two: discipline should not be punitive or done in anger…
Admittedly, this was the one I struggled with the most this summer. Have you ever found yourself thinking that love and discipline are two separate things? I have. I know many parents would say they struggle to find a balance between loving their child and disciplining them. But, without realizing it, we are implying that love is only warm and fuzzy while discipline is cold and harsh.
Perhaps we define it this way because that has been our own experience. But the discipline of the Lord is very different from human discipline. “My son, do not make light of the Lord’s discipline, and do not lose heart when he rebukes you, because the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and he chastens everyone he accepts as his son. Endure hardship as discipline; God is treating you as his children. For what children are not disciplined by their father?…Moreover, we have all had human fathers who disciplined us and we respected them for it…” (Heb 12:5-7,9).
I think we need to redefine the word discipline. The word ‘discipline’ comes from the word ‘disciple.’ Children are disciples - little pupils, if you will. Little pupils of what exactly? Well, of those raising them. When we raise a child, we are ultimately instructing them in the ways of life, or more particularly, our ways of life - our standards, our beliefs, and our way of doing things. We show them how life should be lived. In an interesting way, they are little disciples of, well…us.
Which is why we can also tend to blame a lot of problems on our family - they trained us to be like them, flaws and everything. We may not want to be like them but they were the ones who raised us in the ways of life. How many of us dread becoming like our parents? We vehemently declare, “I will never be like them! I will never make the mistakes they did!” And so we set off in search of a new family, thinking that once we have our own family our problems will be solved and the longings of our heart will finally be met. For, “…they disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, in order that we may share in his holiness. No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it” (Heb 12:10-11).
Discipline is part of the disciple-making process, so to speak. “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires” (James 1:19-20). Discipline or correction should not be carried out in anger or rage. And Lord knows I have struggled for a long time with anger.
I have come so far but I still have so far to go. I used to give full vent to my anger. Of course, not with physical violence, but with abusive words. I lacked the maturity to handle conflict. I felt this need to protect myself or force my agenda on the situation, and I guess I felt that anger would accomplish that. Communication in conflict was very one-way - making them listen to me - rather than two-way. Of course, you can guess how well that worked for my relationships. It didn’t. Anger is so destructive to relationships; it can cause the people we love to withdraw or pull away out of fear. They no longer feel safe being open and vulnerable with us. And who can blame them?
It wasn’t until God shared two beautiful truths with me on the issue that I started to experience some victory over my anger. There are two types of anger: righteous and unrighteous. Unfortunately, all too often we jump to this conclusion: I am right and I am angry, therefore, my anger is righteous anger. Wrong. Unrighteous anger is anger over someone not doing your will or not doing what pleases you; therefore, it’s punitive by nature.
Righteous anger by contrast is anger over sin and disobedience to God. Righteous anger is not explosive, punitive anger; it is subject to self-control. Unrighteous anger focuses on self-interest, “I’m not getting my way.” Righteous anger focuses on sharing in God’s holiness, rebuking and correcting what is offensive to God and destructive to self and others. Such anger comes from a place of love and concern. That’s why it is holy and righteous.
So how exactly does an invisible God discipline us? I can’t offer a complete picture. But I think as the verse above suggests, God uses hardships to discipline us. This doesn’t mean that our trials or hardships are a direct result of some sin we’ve committed, as if God were seeking to punish us. Not that I want to rule consequences for sin out of the picture, but discipline, like I said above, is not about punishment but about correction. So hardship, regardless of whether or not if it was brought on by sin, is being used to change and transform us. For what purpose? That as children of God we would become more and more like our heavenly Father. Our hardships can sanctify us and purify our hearts, that we would be disciples, little pupils, of Christ.
