Self-esteem in a Post Modern World
In a world where affirmation can be found in so many places, it seems surprising that self-esteem and self-worth would still be a struggle for most people. Maybe not all of us, but many of us were told as a child by parents, teachers, and disney that we could achieve anything we put our mind to and we could be anything we wanted to be. And if you didn't hear it from them, you most certainly heard it from other cultural influences.
As an adult, these affirmations can be found in other sources - sexuality, love, work, sports, you name it. And despite it all, we still seem to be a people plagued by problems of depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. As more psychological problems surface, many embark in search for a cure. The rise of self-help books and pop psychology seems to say as much. And most of the time, the cure ends up sounding something like this: You need to love yourself and have confidence in who you are - only you can make yourself happy. Given our individualistic culture, a culture that values independence and self-sufficiency above dependence on others, this idea does not come as a surpise. And in some ways, the idea makes sense. If the problem is an internal one, it would seem logical to look within yourself to fix it. But for so many reasons, I feel that this is actually the wrong place to look.
The Self-Help Approach
Proponents of the self-help approach, which focuses on self-love and self-affirmation, point to a need and rightly conclude that this need cannot be met in other people. The reality is, other people are only human and, therefore, they are bound by human fallibility and imperfection. But if no other person can be relied upon to meet our needs for love, affirmation, and redemption, then why is the 'self' any different? If the love of others is insufficient and bound to human conditionality, why is the love we have for ourselves more sufficient? Are we less imperfect than others? More capable? More reliable? Are we superior to them in some way that we can accomplish something they cannot? To me, the concept of self-love seems like a lonely solution, a cheap bargain: no one else will be able to love you and affirm you enough, so you need to be able to do for yourself what others cannot do for you.
The Self-help approach overlooks one very key thing: Our love for ourselves is insufficient because it is imperfect, and even we are bound to disappoint ourselves at times. Our love for ourselves goes up and down, vacillating between pride and self-hate. Even self-love cannot be a constant source for love, and more importantly, self-love is not an unfailing love.
For this reason, the love of God stands apart from all other loves, even self-love. "Christ died for us when we were unable to help ourselves...Very few people will die to save the life of someone else, even if it is for a good person. Someone might be willing to die for an especially good person. But Christ died for us while we were still sinners, and by this God showed how much he loves us." Rom 5:7, 8
(to be continued...)
