It's that time again. The Christmas season. Depending on your family situation, that sentence might inspire feelings of warmth or feelings of dread. Three Christmases ago, I wrote a blog titled The Two Sides of Christmas. I wrote about the mixed feelings Christmas brings. There is something more to Christmas than simply getting everything on our list. The holiday touches on something that resonates deep within each of our souls: love. Christmas is really about Love. Love's a funny thing though, isn't it? I mean what does it mean to love someone exactly? It might seem so easy to define until you think about it. Sometimes, love can mean so many things. We love our family, our friends, our significant other. We also love pizza, music, and movies. Yet none of these loves are even remotely the same.
"All You Need is Love"
I can't think of a subject more talked about, more written about, or more sung about than love. The longing for love is so deeply rooted in the human heart. I have met people from many different walks of life, but I've never met someone who didn't desire unfailing love. It is the one common thread weaving through all of humanity. Our love is what separates us from the rest of nature. Love is incompatible with self-preservation or survival of the fittest. We're not animals simply trying to survive, we're human beings with a deep desire to connect with others on a soul level. We search, we chase, we dream. And that's not so surprising when you think about it. After all, if we are made with a soul in the image of our God, wouldn't it make sense that we have such a capacity and desire for love?
We do crazy things in our pursuit for love. Sometimes we walk away winners, other times we walk away broken in pieces. It's a graveyard of hearts, this world in which we live. Some give up and deaden their hearts to this longing for love in an effort to avoid further pain; others pick up the pieces and press on in their search, hoping to one day find a love that won't let go.
But Christmas is not only about the human search for love. Christmas is really a story about Love. The human story is marked by our own exhaustive pursuit of love. But Christmas tells the story of Love's relentless pursuit of us. "For love is as strong as death, it's jealousy as unyielding as the grave" (Song 8:6). Love came down to earth in human form to give us hope, joy, and peace. You see, I've come to realize that it's not the longing for love that is the enemy. You could deaden your heart in an effort to stop the bleeding, but all that does is numb you. You might not feel any pain, but then again, you won't feel anything at all. This drive for love is in us for a reason. The desire for love is not the problem, it's simply a question of where you look for it.
In a candid conversation with the Samaritan woman at the well, Jesus said, "Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again. But anyone who drinks the water I give will never be thirsty again. The water I give people will be like a spring flowing inside them. It will bring them eternal life." The woman said to Jesus, “Sir, give me this water. Then I will never be thirsty again and won’t have to come back here to get more water.” Jesus told her, “Go get your husband and come back.” The woman answered, “But I have no husband.” Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband. The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you say is true." (John 4).
In this story we see the woman at the well is thirsting for more. She has searched to satisfy this thirst in her relationships with men, only to be let down again and again. She thinks she's found what's she's been looking for, and her thirst is quenched....for a time. But eventually, the result was always the same: each relationship started with promise and ended with pain. Each relationship was like a drink of water, relieving her thirst for a time, but inevitably, her thirst returned. Human love, for all it's many wonders and joys, is simply unable to live up to our expectations and fulfill our deep-seated need for unfailing love.
Love in Unexpected Places
For me, Love has a name. And in this Love, I place my hope for peace and satisfaction. "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life" (John 3:16). God shows us his love in sending his only Son to rescue us - Christ is God's gift to mankind. It doesn't say, "For God was so disgusted with the world that he sent His only Son, hoping they would get their act together, then He'd love them." God didn't wait for us to approach Him with our love; He approached us first to offer His love. Our human tendency is to think that God came for those who are moral and good. But it's quite the opposite. He came to offer his love to sinners. "Very few people will die to save the life of someone else, even if it is for a good person. Someone might be willing to die for an especially good person. But Christ died for us while we were still sinners, and by this God showed how much he loves us" (Rom 5:7-8).
This love, this sacrifice is a gift. And like all gifts, it is not something we earn nor are entitled to - it's exactly that, a gift. "You have been saved by grace because you believed. You did not save yourselves; it was a gift from God. You are not saved by the things you have done, so that no one can boast" (Eph 2: 8-9). When it comes to love you can never outlove God. God will always love you more than you are able to love Him back. Why would God do that? Give up so much, knowing our return could never match His investment? Because that's just who God is. His love is not based on what we've done to deserve it. It's based on His goodness. And that kind of love is far more dependable than the kind that wavers based on the merits of the recipient.
Of course, Love is messy. God's love isn't a Hollywood kind of love. It isn't blind to our shortcomings. Nor is it born out of a sense of desperation. God isn't insecure about Himself, He's not looking for a self-esteem boost. While God's fierce love for us leads Him to relentlessly pursue human beings, He isn't looking to compromise and change Himself in order to fit our ideals of who God should be. He's not always everything we want, but He is absolutely always everything that we need. At times, love means opposing the person you love for their own good. Any parent will tell you that saying "No" to their kids doesn't mean they don't love them. It means they do. Love is not always cuddles and kisses. Any parent who loves their kid won't say, "Do whatever you want. I don't care." They place boundaries on them and discipline them when they are doing something wrong. In the same way, God cares very much about the way we live. He instructs us in right from wrong and warns us that there are consequences to living life on our own terms. God is neither dictator nor doormat. Though He pursues us with an unyielding love, He won't compromise Himself in order to win us. As Warren Wiersbe once said, “Truth without love is brutality, and love without truth is hypocrisy.”
Love without Strings Attached
In thinking on all this, I am reminded that Christmas is not simply about the love we have received but giving that love to others. God's love inspires and compels me to love others with the same sacrificial love He has given me. "For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: Love your neighbor as yourself.' (Gal 5:14). What does love look like? The answer might not be what you'd expect. On the subject of love, Jesus taught: " 'You’re familiar with the old written law, ‘Love your friend,’ and its unwritten companion, ‘Hate your enemy.’ I’m challenging that. I’m telling you to love your enemies. Let them bring out the best in you, not the worst. Pray for those who treat you badly. If you do this, you will be children who are truly like your Father in heaven. He lets the sun rise for all people, whether they are good or bad. He sends rain to those who do right and to those who do wrong. If you love only those who love you, why should you get a reward for that? Anybody can do that. And if you are nice only to your friends, you are no better than anyone else. Even the people who don’t know God are nice to their friends" (Matt 5:43-47).
Wow, talk about challenging. Love your enemies? Is he crazy? But he's right, isn't he? Anyone can love those who love them. It's natural to love your friends, your group, people who think like you. But how is that different from anyone else? Even those who have carried out history's greatest atrocities were capable of love. Did not even Hitler love a woman? Or perhaps in a more culturally relevant example, do not even terrorists love their families, their communities? Of course they do. More than this, they claim to love God. But God is clear: we cannot separate our love for Him from our treatment of others (1 John 4:20).
God's love is not something that is meant to be selfishly hoarded to ourselves, rather it is meant to be shared generously with others. That doesn't mean you have to love others in your own strength. Rather we love others with the love we have received ourselves. But we will only give love and grace in proportion to the love and grace we have received first. Christ warns us, "Whoever has been forgiven little loves little" (Luke 7:47). When we realize our own profound need for God's love and grace, we are able to extend love and grace toward others. "My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you." (John 15:12).
Please understand me friend, I am not talking to you as one who has "arrived" as if I have it all together or never mess up in this area. When mistreated my instinctive, natural reaction is to even the score and return fire. But Jesus is showing us something - He is showing us love is not based on what we get in return. Love does not ask, "What's in it for me? What will I get out of it?" True Love loves without bounds. It does not come with strings attached. It does not discriminate between friend and enemy. It loves with the same love God has given us. When we discriminate in our love, what we are actually saying is this: "I deserve God's love and grace, but you don't."
Does loving your enemies sound foolish? Of course it does. But Jesus tells us true life is found in unexpected places. A life that is lived for the self is no life at all. You may get everything you want, but at what cost? "Any of you who try to save the life you have will lose it. But you who give up your life for me will find true life. It is worth nothing for you to have the whole world if you yourself are lost" (Matt 16:25-26). The more we live for ourselves, the more empty we become.
Love Has a Price Tag
Where there is Love there is true joy and happiness. But let it never be said that Love won't cost you anything. Though love gives endlessly, it comes with a price. It will cost you yourself. I've come to realize that the opposite of love is not actually hate - it's selfishness. Nothing kills love faster than selfishness. Ask anyone who has been through a divorce, breakup, or a broken family. They will tell it wasn't hate that doomed the relationship, but selfishness. Selfishness chokes the life out of love. You've heard the saying, "Money is the root of all evil." Well, it's not. Pride is. You might be surprised to find that the sin most spoken about in the Bible isn't drunkenness, sexual immorality, or even murder - it's pride and arrogance. Think about it, is there ever a sin where pride is not also present - be it murder, greed, gossip, lust, or fighting?
That is because pride and love cannot coexist, they are at odds. In holding on to one, we forfeit the other. Pride lifts the self up as ultimate and says, "Put yourself first. Look out for number one. Think of others after yourself." Love says just the opposite, "Don't think only of yourself. Think of God and others first. There's joy in putting yourself last." God's love is the kind that gives everything, but that doesn't mean He doesn't want something in return. He's after your heart. And He will settle for nothing less. But with the love He pours into your heart, you are free to love others instead of trying to meet your own need for love. In the words Jim Elliott, "He is no fool who gives up what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose."
